a subject that i recently have been having conversations about with a few of my friends. so decided to put it on here bc what i have to say may or may not be of help to somebody.
what is validation?
validation is the affirmation of our own truth and the recognition that who and how we are is of worth. it is basically what makes us sure or unsure. depressed or happy. pick-me or shy. annoying or amusing. and many more. all depending on where we seek our validation from. don’t get me wrong, tho. all positive characteristics can also be derived from unhealthy validation source which if you think about it comes down to being one - that from the outside and not within.
external sources of validation
it is maybe what defines most of today’s world actions and situations that we adapt for ourselves in day to day basis. validation is supposed to make us feel relevant in this day and age. it’s also what drives us to develop bad relationship patterns and low self-esteem. those sound extreme but it is a fact. i don’t like extremities so i’m not a big fan of validation from the outside.
- social media
ask yourself-why would we post pictures of ourselves if there were no likes or comments? at the end of the day we live in the era of being validated 24/7. liked or disliked. popular or not. travelling or not. successful or not. all posted just because we want to assert ourselves in order for people who we barely know give us attention… and that’s a small flaw of validation. think about changes that you have done to yourself in order to be validated or fit in. and if you do believe that people collectively live in their own realities why would you care to be judgemental towards anyone. we aren’t living by the same standards because we are not the same. our lives are different, our needs are different. and that’s perfectly fine.
- significant other or friend group
i do remember the amount of times i went out of my own way to be liked or accepted by someone in my life, that i needed validation from because of behavioral patterns, and this has nothing to do with compromising for the ones you love. because those who love you will love you for the way you are in the beginning of any form of relationship. they will be inspired and interested even in the small aspects of your character, so you don’t need to add or remove anything unless you are not inspired and motivated by them and see how you can grow as a person from those changes further on. if you otherwise think you have to change because of seeking validation and being liked by them, maybe they aren’t the right people for you. there could be love and still no need to validate each other, but just simply accept that you are who you are.
- academic or professional validation
of course we are talking about something way more logical in its core and validation here does play a role, but in my opinion it could be regarded as healthy in circumstances that it complies with your own personal beliefs and goals in life. however, sometimes our vision can be narrowed down and the potenitial of our abilities could be shadowed by the opinion of authority that does not neccessarily have our best interest. if someone or something wants you to grow they could give you hard time and everything, but they would not make you feel uninspired.
- your ego
as i have mentioned in the post “NOW.” we are not our ego. meeting this part of ourselves’ standarts is sometimes impossible. i put “ego” as an external source of validation because in a sense ego is created from the outside and works inside of us. it makes us overthink and it could feel tiring complying with its validation.
the internal source of validation
this is simply your higher most present self. it is that part of you that has reached it’s fullest pottential and would never judge you. this source of validation could be described as the feeling that you are doing something good for your soul; the feeling of making a decision that is with unknown results, but still feels right for you; it is that spark that no matter who and what comes against or along your way, you have the assurance that you are always gonna make it. validating your routine, decisions, appearance and whatever there is in th physical and non-physical world leads to the healthiest form of detachment, without of course leaning into extremities. being detached doesn’t mean experiencing everything just for yourself, but being able to connect with the world without giving in to the ego.
when you create standarts for yourself and live by them you will start to feel more at peace. of course before that you should invest time to create your inner value system. (pinterest can be helpful here with its journal prompts)
validating your thoughts and decisions and even your manifestations can make you go through life in a confident way. you will see that when you believe that everything you do is enough and keep striving for more at the same time, you will not feel inadequacy, or if you do you will register it as a passing thought.
how to seek validation from the inside and not outside?
1.try to find out where your validation stems out of. - sit alone. no distractions. meditate and journal. see if you have been externally influenced throughout your life.
2.establish an inner value system and write it down.
3.practice self-affirmation.- pinterest and tumblr could be helpful once again if you look up for such affirmations
4.turn journaling and meditating into a habit.- change comes with supervision and when you keep track of yourself, progress does follow.
5.accept your flaws.- embracing this past version of yourself with its flaws as long as they are unharmful for your overall beeing could be the way of overcoming them.
6.set little goals and reward yourself in the physical world. - go on a date with yourself, buy yourself a present and try not to share this achievement with anyone.
7.catch yourself when you want to share something in order to be validated.- do you actually need it? is this really what you need in order for your goal to have purpose?